Three thieves namely Dopamine, Norepinephrine and
Serotonin hijacked my central nervous system and rode it like a wild boar
causing me to blush and my heart to palpitate. The words are washing over my
ears. Some words intermittently entering them, tickling my eardrum and reaching
my brain via auditory nerve in the form of electrical signals, only to be
partially registered. Regardless, our professor went on raving about
distillation.
Hiding behind specs, my eyes darted towards her
every other second, wanting to devour her beauty. Time slowed down as I watched
her jot down important points. Every small detail of her was recorded in my
eyes; like that stray strand of hair on her temple; that slight perspiration on
her lower eyelid furrow; that slight tremble of her lower lip indicating her
stress; her auburn hair moving like waves in the breeze blowing through the
window beside her. The sunlight escaped the canopy and made its way to reach
her as the trees outside swayed in wind. I vaguely remember reading an
untranslatable Japanese word “komorebi” with an English equivalent “scattered,
dappled light effect when sunlight shines through tree leaves”, that describes
the scene precisely.
With sun at the back of her head like a halo, she
is looking like an angel. Whenever she tucks that stray tuft of hair behind her
ear, reuniting it with its sisters, I feel a sensation in my heart, like
someone is squeezing it. The sparkles on her dress are reflecting the sunlight
onto the walls, attracting even more attention than she usually gets. When our
professor started asking questions, she became so nervous that I desperately
wanted to go hug and comfort her.
Eventually, the bell rang and we have a small
break now. Today, at any rate, I am going to talk to her. At least wish her
‘happy birthday’, for starters. Why does she always have friends with her?
Can’t they leave her for at least a minute? Today I’ll talk to her even if her
friends are around.
Just as I got up and took steps towards her,
another girl who is coming in my general direction with a stack of books in her
hands stumbled in front of me scattering what appeared to be textbooks across
the floor. The whole class, including my crush, turned to us at the sound. They
are looking at her pitifully and at me like I’m the bad guy. Damn, now I can’t
go talk to her. I don’t want to make a move on her while she still has this
stupid image of me in her head.
Who is this girl that spoiled my plan? I looked
down at her; she is picking up books that are lying around clumsily. I have
seen her around, but I don’t know her name. She must be feeling awful, for her
face became red with humiliation. I felt sorry for her, so I helped her in
gathering the scattered books. I tried to make her feel better by saying it is
okay, but she didn’t seem to listen to me. After gathering all the books, we
stood up and I handed her the last book.
Our eyes met as I’m about to turn. I felt as if
she is trying to tell me something, so I reverted my gaze to her. She didn’t
say anything, but kept on looking at me with those hazel eyes. I froze, trying
to decipher what those eyes are telling me. They seemed to plead me not to do
what I am about to do. I stood there for an extra couple of seconds; then, I
don’t know why I did it, I apologized to her and left the room. I guess we’ll
be seeing each other around.
* * *
“For most distillations, molar flow rates of …..
so that each mole of ….. 0.92 mole of toluene corresponds to … a quantity
called reflux ratio. …..” This is an important topic; I have to cover it at
home where he won’t be there to distract me. I cannot concentrate on the
lecture with him in the same room. Especially today, with his new haircut and
the new beige color t-shirt that suits him well. Dammit, I almost wore the same
colored dress today, but decided against it in the last minute.
With his short sleeve t-shirt, his muscle tone is
visible to everyone, causing jealousy in other males while females gaped
zealously. You should see him while he is playing volleyball. I go to sports
field solely to watch him play, the way his muscles ripple when he attacks;
very few can block his attack. Today, he is even more handsome with the two day
stubble.
The thing I like most about him is his royal
gait; his broad shoulders only add to the effect. The way he conducts himself
makes others feel subordinate, but not inferior. Whenever I feel sad, I turn to
him for comfort. I imagine myself snuggling in his embrace while he is holding
me tenderly as if I’m his precious glass doll and he my knight in shining
armor.
The bad part of the deal is that he never ever smiles.
A few days ago, rumors spread that he laughed at a girl’s joke. But later on,
due to lack of evidence, she was
dismissed as an attention seeker. The thing that amazes me is that even such a
person as he is a wimp when it comes to dealing with girls.
And as
usual, he is gawking at that witch*. It’s not his fault, more than
two thirds of the boys are drooling over her today. She is a crafty one, for
she wore a sequins embroidered dress and is sitting beside the window in
sunlight. Already half the girls hate her, but this took our hostility to the
next level.
Ever since that day when he sat in front of me in
canteen, I had a crush on him. But what I didn’t observe that day, when I was
busy salivating, was that he sat there to gawk at her. Why do all the good guys
fall for witches like her? Now that she dumped her boyfriend, these idiots are
following her, drooling over her like a dog does over a chicken piece. Just
yesterday, I came to know that he is next on her list. This time she is playing
‘sweet, but hard to get’ which he couldn’t resist.
I should somehow distract him from her seduction.
May be its time for me to talk to him, let him know that I exist and also may
be that I’m available. What should I talk about? Let’s start with something
personal. I could ask him how his brother is doing, but that may send wrong
signals.
Okay, let’s go with something less personal. May be
I should give a compliment to him on his shirt. Or should I go with the oldest
trick in the book, damsel in distress? I could ask him for help with a subject.
But he is just average in academics. This may give an impression that I’m
dumber than him.
He’s a good volleyball player. I could join the
girls’ volleyball team and then ask for his help. That way, we can spend extra
time together. Since that witch doesn’t set her foot in the sports field, I can
do my thing without worrying about her. That way, tank tops and shorts will
come to my aid in enticing him, may be show him a teaser of the main film. If I
sprain my leg, he can even carry me to the medical center.
As soon as the thought struck me, my eyes closed
and my brain started to project the picture on the back of my eyelids: I am sitting
in field holding my sprained leg, wincing. He approaches me and asks me ‘what
happened?’, then offers to take me to medical center which I’ll object. He’ll
insist and then I accept gracefully. I’ll standup grimacing, try to walk, but
can’t. He, then, to my surprise and glee, lifts me off my legs like I weigh
nothing and carries me to medical center. He even smiles at me. Oh girl, look
at those biceps! I’m so close to him that I can feel his heartbeat. It is as
slow as if he is meditating, as opposed to mine which is beating wildly as if
I’m trying to win against Usain Bolt.
The picture disappeared when I opened my eyes to a
nudge in the ribs. My friend pointed in his direction.
Wait a minute. I know that look on his face, it’s
his determined look. Did he decide to talk to her now? Actually that makes
sense. With her birthday today, it is completely logical for him to go wish
her. At least that’s what he may be thinking. I should stop him now or else he
may be scarred forever. Damsel in distress it is.
I took mine and my friend’s text books and
started walking towards him. He stood up and is moving towards her. I just want
to ask if he could help me carry the books to library. But as I neared him, my
legs began to shake and I’m one clumsy foot step away from stumbling. And I
took that step. I didn’t expect this, but this is even more convenient.
My books are scattered between him and her. I
bent down to pick up the books hoping he would help me and thus, will be distracted
for her. That’s when I noticed that the whole class is looking at us. I felt
the rush of blood into my cheeks and felt even more embarrassed. I don’t want
him to see me humiliated in front of the entire class. This is some nasty first
impression. I lost any hopes of our relationship, but I just don’t want him to
go to that bloody witch now.
I stood up and he handed me the last book. I am
about to tell him her plans when he turned away. He seemed to notice that and
turned back to me. My mouth became dry and I cannot form any meaningful
sentences. I simply wanted to run out of the room that very moment, but I held
my ground. I stared at him and hoped he would understand what’s going through
my mind. I know it’s a far-fetched one, but I did it anyway.
It worked!! I can practically see gears shifting
in that brain behind his sculpturesque face. He seems to be giving his earlier
decision a second thought. That’s enough for me. Our staring contest lasted for
couple more seconds than it should. He then apologized to me, I don’t know what
for, and then left the room. I hope we’ll be seeing each other.
* One
of the variant meanings of ‘witch’ is ‘a fascinatingly attractive girl or
woman’.
